doomsday

oh great. now they’ve put spikes on my teeth. because this hasn’t been unpleasant enough. sure, they call them “buttons”, but it’s like the marketing of “friendly fire”. only the casualties are now the insides of my cheeks which are getting ripped to shreds when ever i eat. WHENEVER THAT IS.

now my teeth look like doomsday. this doomsday, the one who killed superman:

no joke here. the punchline is in my mouth.

lullaby posterity

it occurs to me that somewhere i should note that:
snapper’s lullaby songs were mostly either “one day without you” by keren ann or “rocky raccoon” by the beatles.
as for buckaroo, it’s pretty much exclusively the sesame street version of “1-2-3-4″ by feist.

the thin red invisalign

yes. finally. after two score, i’ve finally caved and got braces. ugh.

to be honest, i did volunteer for them. my old SF dentist hinted that i’d need something sometime years back, and in the past couple of years i noticed a recalcitrant tooth making unapproved headway towards entering me into “the big book of british smiles.”

what i didn’t think through is that they want me to keep these in 22 hours a day. 22 HOURS A DAY? one, that’s unrealistic. i’ve got kids to feed! which means i get home and start feeding them at five, and they aren’t all down until 7:30 or 8, which is a good three hours where i’m with them tasting their food to make sure it’s not too hot or unedible. plus, that’s where i get all my nutrition anyway– kid refusal leftovers.

so one of two things are going to happen this year: i’m either going to get EVEN SKINNIER this year, or i’m finally going to become fat. because either i just won’t be able to eat, or i’m going to be so ravenous and hungry because i was denied eating all day, even though usually i don’t eat much at all during the day. but say i can’t? well, hey now, suddenly i DO want that peanut butter cup.

i suppose i should have done some more actual research on the process, but maybe i didn’t really want to know. do i need more info to dissuade me from something long and unpleasant? oh, i guess the same thing could be said about parenting, too. doh!

ebb14

i posted this out there on FB a couple of months ago, but here’s a link as well: the latest edition of ed burns bits 14: i’m ridiculous. it’s all digital now. i might burn cd’s, but who uses them anymore? still, i’ll miss the cover art. however, i won’t miss chopping the mix into discrete tracks. what a pain!

track list:
Track Artist / Name
1 Das Racist / Combination Pizza Hut And Taco Bell
2 The Ting Tings /That’s Not My Name
3 Deerhoof / +81
4 Doddodo / Waltz Core
5 Beirut / Prenzlauerberg
6 Ivo Papasov & His Bulgarian Wedding Band / Mamo Marie Mamo
7 Gogol Bordello / Supertheory of Supereverything
8 Michelle Flyn / Mambo Miam Miam
9 Fantastic Plastic Machine / I’m Bruce (Dimension 5 Mega Mix)
10 Modeselektor (featuring Sacha Perera) / Silikon
11 The Herbaliser (featuring Katerine) / Serge
12 Ennio Morricone / Ogro – Atto Di Dolore
13 RJD2 / Cut Out To FL
14 dj BC & Wu-Tang Clan / Beneath Dumaine Street
15 Coco Steel And Lovebomb / Les Chrysanthemes
16 Nouvelle Vague / Too Drunk to Fuck
17 Feist / Mushaboom
18 SHEL / The Latest and Greatest Blueberry Rubber Band
19 Albin De La Simone / Du Bon-Cote
20 Patsy Cline / Foolin’ Around
21 Johnny Cash / Austin Prison

i do have to say, there is nothing better than boarding in the french alps while singing “i’m at the pizza hut! i’m at the taco bell! i’m at the combination pizza hut and taco bell!” as loud as you can…

retweeted

not that anyone really gives a shit, but i entered all the lost tweets from december thru february. i did find something where you could download the csv and then munge it into wordpress-compatible xml, but it was too much of a hassle to figure out for just a couple of months worth, so i just entered them all manually, without the reference links. for fake posterity, that’s well good enough.

in other news, snapper seems to have conjunctivitis. which apparently means she can hook up words and phrases and clauses.

missed tweets

doh! after that big twitter hacking scare in december, i forgot to change my password here so none of those tweets got archived here. rats.

in other news, STILL TIRED. four months (and counting) of getting up every 3-4 hours to feed a baby a bottle will really fuck you up.

ditsyland (is not entirely scary)



(stationary) dumbo is fun!, originally uploaded by sassyass.

for halloween and caitlin’s birthday, we all decided to go to disneyland. why? 1. everyone thought it might be fun for snapper’s first trip there and 2. caitlin gets in free for her birthday.

snapper was excited to go as i picked up my mom (who had been talking about taking her to disneyland FOREVER) and we met caitlin & the family there. and right as we got in we got to meet goofy in costume, and snapper was game, although we had to try and explain the difference between pluto and goofy. i mean really, why does goofy talk and walk around, and pluto doesn’t? was there some cartoon where goofy’s ancestors touched the monolith and pluto’s ancestors didn’t? hm, considering how that ended up in 2001, maybe that’s one of the cartoons that got censored in the vaults.

the only doubt i really had was whether snapper was going to be too young to enjoy any of the rides. we decided to go with the low-impact ones and start with something easy, like the big carousel just past cinderella’s castle. snapper was excited and picked out a horse, and was ready to ride, having fun… and then the ride started and the horse went UP UP UP and that was it. she screamed and tried to lunge back into my arms, and we spent the rest of the ride standing next to the horse.

pretty much every ride was some variant of that: sort of ok in the ride, and then when it starts, wanting to jump back into my arms. dumbo, teacups, winnie the pooh, all the same result.

alas, she ultimately did have fun wandering the park, and got to see all the characters, and hug winnie the pooh and tigger as well.

but maybe next time we’ll stick to the railroad and the monorail.

the baby-sized hole

It’s strange to have gone through the whole process of having a baby but then not actually HAVING the baby. Obviously we fo have one, but him being up in the NICU instead of in the room with us is odd and lonely. Ironically, not having the baby maybe allows for easier recouperation, since there’s no on screaming in there every few hours. Yet you’d definitely prefer that to this. I played the game, where’s my prize?

The funny thing is that I walk around the hospital and see the people dealing with extremely long labors– running in with bottles of Gatorade to stay hydrated, walking around slowly trying to get the delivery process started. I think, “what the hell are they doing? Just sit down and pop that sucker out!”

You never really consider these issues when you’re married to quick-draw mccann.

It’s never quite how you plan it

well there you have it. a teeny tiny 3lb, 10.7oz. 15″.

how did we get here? Let’s back up a little, shall we?

we went in for our now-normal appointment at the doctor to get examined, and he results were pleasantly the same: cervical length still short but more or less unchanged, which is the same place she’s been for a couple of months now. yet it’s the same precarious position she’s been in, and eventually something’s going to happen, like building a house on the side of a cliff: it’s great while it lasts, but you know sooner or later a mudslide is going to come and wash the whole thing down the hill. The whole question is, WHEN? yet we had been in this state for so many weeks I became convinced it was going to end up a big joke and she was going to last into December, and be practically full-term.

Thursday hmc started having contractions for the first time. We rushed over to the doctor’s office and had her loooked at, and she was fortunately not dialating. They gave her something to try and stop the contractions, and decided to send us home given that not much else was happening. Eventually, the contractions stopped later that evening. Talking again with the doctor, one of them thought we might be due any day, while the other thought we might again hang at this new precipice for a few more weeks.

Friday there were small intermittent contractions, until it started up again around 6pm. hmc tried the medicine again, but after two doses there wasn’t much change. We called the doctor, and as I was describing what was happening to him he could hear hmc’s screams in the background and said, “get you arses to the hospital right now.”

So off we went, waking up snapper for an evening adventure. She was a little groggy at first but then excited to get to be up and out. In the car as hmc was yelling in pain, she asked, “what is mommy trying to do?” I told her that she was tying to rest, and that seemed like a perfectly acceptable answer to her, being able to relate that sometimes you cry and yell when you’re too tired and you can’t sleep.

I dropped hmc at the emergency entrance where they whisked her up to labor & delivery while I swung around and parked the car. We rushed in, only they WOULDN’T LET US IN. why? Due to new swine flu restrictions, no one under 18 is allowed in the hospital. So snapper had to stay out, which means i couldn’t get up there to help hmc. Thankfully, we had called hmc’s dad and he was already on the way to meet us, and got there not too long afterwards to take snapper so I could go up and help hmc.

By the time I got up there, her room was a flurry of activity, with lots of people swarming around. Originally we thought we were hoping to stop the contractions, but once again she was at 9cm when we got there, which definitely means it’s GO TIME.

Neither our OB nor the other one in the practice made it there in time. The baby shot out like a cannonball, with barely enough time for the on-call staff OB to finish putting on his gloves before he caught him.

Less than a half hour after we got to the hospital, at 9:27pm, he was born.

I have nothing to say, but I want to say it all the same.