NBA Playoff Haterade 2026: Ranked by Who I Want to Win the Finals the Least

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Huh, did I skip this last year? And the playoffs have already started and I almost forgot about it this year! To the bat-sketball pole!

Tier 1: Fuck The Celtics

Boston Celtics

  • Ranking: 1
    Because: FUCK the Celtics

Tier 2: I Think I Still Hate Them

New York Knicks

  • Ranking: 2
    Jalen Brunson is amazingly clutch and yet so irritating due to the incessant flopping and foul-baiting. Kat is perhaps the most talented uncoordinated player in history. Knicks get soooo much coverage for a team that hasn’t won a title since the Nixon administration.

Cleveland Cavs

  • Ranking: 3
    They shoot up here because of their trade deadline acqusition of James Harden, obviously.

Tier 3: Unpleasant to Watch

Orlando Magic

  • Ranking: 4
    The freudenschade of watching this preseason favorite be a disaster all year is only tempered by the grueling agony of watching this terrible offense that makes you even ask, “Is Paolo even any good?”

Houston Rockets

  • Ranking: 5
    I always love KD, I love Amen, but man this offense is also terrible. Everyone seems to hate each other. I can’t tell if everyone is barely tolerating Udoka, or KD, or vice-versa, or both?

Tier 4: I Would Spend More Time Thinking About It But There’s No Chance

Phoenix Suns

  • Ranking: 6
    Dillon Brooks? Devin Booker? Jalen Green? Grayson Allen? Please. They would be way higher if they weren’t playing the Thunder. I did, however, enjoy getting to go to their first play-in game and watch them blow it and lose to the Trailblazers.

Toronto Raptors

  • Ranking: 7
    I guess I have maybe gotten over that Kawhi-stolen title by now? Or have I?

Portland Trailblazers

  • Ranking: 8
    It’s incredible that they got this far considering the whole Chauncey Billups thing to kick off the season. And is there some life in Scoot finally?

Atlanta Hawks

  • Ranking: 9
    It’s sad/entertaining to see Atlanta buy into the Jonathan Kumina fool’s gold that the Dubs know full well. CJ McCollum renaissance?

Tier 5: Sure I Guess Why Not

Denver Nuggets

  • Ranking: 10
    Jamal Murray is on FIRE this year, and yet with the Joker injury/recovery they have become a little exhausting this year? Can you guys just pull it together?

Oklahoma City Thunder

  • Ranking: 11
    The air of inevitability reduces the excitement.

Philadelphia 76ers

  • Ranking: 12
    With Embiid and PG (mostly) out, it’s Maxey and VJ’s team, both of whom it’s impossible not to love!

Minnesota Timberwolves

  • Ranking: 13
    Ant alone merits this

Tier 6: Improbable but Definitely Possible

San Antonio Spurs

  • Ranking: 14
    Wemby is just unbelievable! I’m still sore that we had the worst record in the league two years ago and we got pushed down to pick #5 and just missed on Steph Castle.

Los Angeles Lakers

  • Ranking: 15
    Maybe Luka can come back for more playoff magic? Two years ago I asked, “but what if LEBRON IS FATHER TIME?” I think we know the answer.

Detroit Pistons

  • Ranking: 16
    DEEEEEETROOOOOIT BASKETBALLLLLLL