so i probably shouldn’t be telling this story until a couple of months from now, so get your decoder glasses out if you want to read it…
so i’m watching cheryl’s car while she’s out in nepal or tibet or wherever she is right now, and it’s been parked out in front of my house for the past few months. one of the advantages of being in a highly suburban neighborhood where NOTHING EVER HAPPENS is that you can park cars for weeks on end and no one complains. except for the neighbor who DID COMPLAIN TO THE COPS and reported it abandoned without asking me, “hey, is that your car parked in front of YOUR HOUSE?”. but anyway, i moved it to the other side of the house so they wouldn’t have to look at it or smell it or whatever else about it was up their bum.
then came wednesday. i leave for work at something like 7:30am, and when i get back home, as i’m helping hmc put stella to bed, i remember that mika is totally out of food and try to run out to the pet store before it closes. as i rush out of the door, i look out on the street and WHERE THE HELL IS CHERYL’S CAR? uh, FUCK. when i get back from the store, i tell hmc, “cheryl’s car is gone!” and she said that she had the same reaction when she got home that afternoon and thought i must have moved it again to appease the neighbors, and so i must be kidding, haha. except that i HADN’T and i WASN’T.
maybe someone got over aggressive and had it reported and towed. i call up the oakland department of records, and see if they have towed it, but they hadn’t. FUCK. all i can think about is 1. did someone really steal a car from OUR neighborhood? really? and 2. how do i tell cheryl that her car got stolen AGAIN? (this very car got stolen from her old house last year, and was gone for like six weeks before they found it in san leandro in a parking lot). i try and report it missing, only they tell me i can’t because I DON’T OWN THE CAR. since i don’t have power of attorney for cheryl, i need to get a faxed and notarized statement from her giving me authority to act on her behalf for the car. WTF? how the hell am i supposed to do that? do they even have notaries in nepal?
i tear my hair out for two days, and make periodic calls to the department of records to see if the car actually does show up as being towed, but it doesn’t.
finally i call back yesterday and try to report it missing again. it takes a lot of doing and wheedling, but i convince them to send an officer out in person, and then maybe i can get him to take the report. SIX HOURS LATER an officer shows up, and we convince him to let us make the report.
whew. at least there’s something official, in case something turns up.
then this morning, the miracle occurs.
i get a call from the contra costa sheriff’s department: cheryl’s car has been FOUND in el sobrante!!! OMG! i get cc to drive me up there, and we’re greeted by the cutest most adorable deputy sheriff ever. if all the deputies look like former cheerleaders, i know where i’m pulling my first heist. she says that she gets stolen cars abandoned over there all the time, and she actually found it on friday, only nothing came up because i hadn’t successfully made a report yet. she thinks that may be a few people who must go over to oakland and party or whatever and steal cars to get back home. which makes sense except wouldn’t you start off in a place where people actually have parties and not my neighborhood where NOTHING EVER HAPPENS? in any case, her car is there, it totally works, and it’s not much worse for wear. the stereo was still missing from the last time it was stolen, and maybe they might have stole the speakers this time, but it’s otherwise unharmed.
i drive it home and now it’s sitting in my driveway. tomorrow i go buy a club for it, since cheryl neglected to use/give me the keys to the one i GAVE HER ALREADY.
and everyone lived happily ever after.
Posted at February 17, 2008 10:45 PM| TrackBack