spam of the day

this is what happens when the gravy train goes south.

sure, times were great back in 1987. suddenly starring in the new hit cartoon as everyone’s favorite turtle-nemesis, shredder was living the high life: plentiful booze, loose broads, and a river of cocaine as long as the LIE. there was the guest star appearance on SNL, and even guest shots on growing pains and ALF. alas, it was not to be. by the mid 90’s, the series was tired and old, and all the kids were now into those damn pokemon. you’ll never forget the day where you were denied getting into that south beach club while squirtle just waltzed on through. suddenly you weren’t even getting callbacks to those auditions for lifetime, and instead your voicemail was filled with threats from the repo men.

now then it’s come to this. first a couple of swimsuit shots to pay the bills, a tasteful spread in playgirl: “sizzling shredder bares all!”. but the novelty is gone, and you’ve still got a habit to feed. just do whatever it takes to get through this scene: think back to those days doing shakespeare in the park, method acting, whatever. “i am your woozy oozy cute little brain.”

i hope your parents never see this.

Posted at February 18, 2006 11:45 AM