look, that nice mister postman delivered my dizzy gillespie cd today!
thanks!
let me describe to you my duties all week at oracle openworld:
that’s pretty much it. OW is also notable for also being the one time of year that i’ll actually wear something with our company logo on it. because i’m required to. take a picture, because you’re not seeing it again for another 12 months.
finally it all came to an end with the big party last night, which our company sponsored.
lots of fireworks (we were actually close enough to see them being launched off of the barge, which is interesting) and lots of bands. who gives a shit about counting crows? although fountains of wayne were pretty good. we had a serious 80’s flashback with both bow wow wow and berlin playing. depending on your point of view this is either really great or really pathetic.
since we were working the show, we got vip passes to the event.
i have to say, life is much better being a vip.
you get free hard liquor instead of just free crappy beer and wine, you get better free food, the free shrimp in the free shrimp cocktail are bigger, and there’s all the ice cream you could ever want. plus, white castle-style sliders. but with crab meat!
more than that, i admit it was the standing on the vip platform, overlooking the hoi polloi, being able to watch the bands comforably, uncrowded, gazing at the unwashed masses, and secretly gloating and thinking, “yeah, not you buddy. you’re not a vip. fat chance.”
sigh.
this is exactly the type of thing that leads you to life in jail for shooting kevin spacey.
arrrrrr. this be makin’ me talks with t’ bildge rats at openworld a bit more scalywaggly today. avast, me hearties! pull your hornpipe outta yer bung hole and fetch me more grog so ye don’t be endin’ up in davy jones’ locker!
at least i can use my pirate name on my badge:
yesterday xz and danger got married.
hitched! hornswaggled! jibberjabbered! ropeadoped!
it was perhaps the most beautiful wedding i’ve ever seen. (note: if i’ve also attended your wedding, please keep in mind that this is certainly not true. hold it dear to your heart that your wedding is the most beautiful, and i only said that because i know that xz and danger read this, and i didn’t know that you did.)
did you hear that? MOST BEAUTIFUL!
it’s also the first time i’ve seen two dear friends marry each other, so you’re not just there for one side and whatever schlumpy they pick. you know, like your cousin and that mormon guy. or olive oyl and that squinty stuttering sailor. or ernie and, uh, bert.
hearing them make their vows and promises and describe the extent of their love was just touching. incredibly. i cried. several times. YEAH THAT’S RIGHT BITCHES, I SAID IT. i cried. i would have cried more, but then i started thinking about pirates. and candy. and supermodels.
mmmmmmm candy pirate supermodels. yum.
anyway, it was a fucking blast of a wedding. incredibly raucous, and so much fun and celebration! there was an ambulance, and someone caught on fire. and then there was scandalous stories told by and about the in-laws, and then the giant squids showed up! it was fucking battle of atlantis in there, but with yarmulkas.
then it was over, and everyone went home.
except now, xz and danger are married.
so it’s like before. but now better.
never once in my wildest dreams did i think that my greatest moment of joy at one of our all-night dance celebrations would come from pushing a porta potty down the street at 2am, delivering salvation and relief to our guests inside.
pffft. ophelia really was nothing to worry about. rtp is like two hours from the north carolina coast, so at most we got a little bit of rain and winds. by this morning, it was sunny and calm, and the only delay to our flight was mechanical trouble. something about a cooling fan not working. the pilot said, “you computer guys know, they’re cooling fans like the ones that keep your CPU from overheating.” what?
we also flew with the entire UNC girl’s volleyball team. who didn’t actually seem that tall, but i’m sure they all could have kicked my arse.
so, all being told, there really wasn’t any danger from the hurricane.
the only thing i needed to escape from is north carolina food. i’m sure there are some great places and i just need to find the local hotspots, but the places we went to were both highly recommended and packed on a weeknight, and tasted like salted turd.
and to think someone was trying to get me to go to a japanese restaurant out there. are you fucking kidding? how gullible do you think i am?
i’m flying out to north carolina tomorrow.
i’m not sure why.
perhaps for the dumbest boondoggle ever. because who goes on a boondoggle to research triangle park? woooooOOOOOoooooOOOooo! RTP!
um, yeah.
after scheduling and rescheduling this, i’m finally going. but then i realize that i could have just as well done this via webex. and stayed home. and not missed the four very important meetings and briefings that are going on during the three days i’ll be gone.
oh, and did i mention the hurricane that’s due to hit north carolina while i’m out there? yeah. you know, ophelia? yeah, that one.
did i mention the part of this being the dumbest boondoggle ever?
um, if you happen to be getting married this weekend, perhaps to a small jewish boy, and maybe if your name is danger, you perhaps shouldn’t read this.
shoo. shoo!
otherwise…
we took xz out for his bachelor party this weekend.
a fun time was had by all, although i must admit that i don’t understand the ceremony.
i mean, yeah, take the guy out right before his wedding, liquor him up, and drag him around town, and then get into trouble, right?
danger, are you still reading? dagnabit! git!
right.
all i remember is repeating to many a person that night, “he is famous polish movie star. here to make new film with… do you know this jerry bruckheimer? the bang bang man? yes, him! he make bang bang crashing film, with the pretty singing girl. no, not the good one, the other one. yes, ashley simpson! have you seen his films before? he is very famous in poland! his big film… like titanic! but with goats!”
two bars and two nightclubs later, we ended up at bagdad cafe at 3am. when by all rights we should have ended up at the strip club at 3am. what is a bachelor party without strippers?
even the girls we picked up on the way wanted strippers.
ah, these customs are so strange. perhaps i’m not cut out to for the polish movie star lifestyle after all.
i happened to be downtown today, so i stopped by the apple store to see if they had the new ipod nano and check it out.
they did.
i did.
it’s so cool.
you can look on the website and see the ads, but you can’t really get a sense of how incredibly amazing it is until you see it in person. it’s so thin that you almost don’t believe that it actually works. but it does. and it’s beautiful.
i don’t really have a need for it, as at 4gb it doesn’t hold enough stuff, but seeing it just makes you WANT IT.
hmc tells me, “well, not everyone has 2,000 cd’s of music they need to carry around.”
what?
why the hell not?
from the nytimes:
i just read this in the wired news article about the new orleans memorial at burning man:
joan baez was at burning man? are you kidding? tell me that they just sang along to a big boombox and not the actual joan baez.
otherwise, it’s true: everyone, their mother, and their favorite folk singer was at burning man this year.
ee went. w went. quarry went. cheryl went. hell, even tom, w’s straighter than straightedge brother went.
we, on the other hand, stayed at home. went to very nice restaurants to eat very nice meals. we took showers every day. at no point were we dirty, hot, or even vaguely uncomfortable.
on saturday we went to see three movies: an adaptation of the haruki murakami novella tony takatani, luc bresson’s pickpocket, and sam peckinpah’s bring me the head of alfredo garcia! each was perfectly as you’d expect it: quietly distant, close and nervous, loud and crazy. and each dealt with a different facet of obsession, oddly enough.
sunday we went to the monterey bay aquarium, to see the jellyfish and the giant octopus. only the giant octopus was hiding and making himself as un-giant as possible. the jellyfish didn’t seem to give a damn and just let it all hang out. there was one rare jellyfish they have to import from japan each year that resembled a hat with balls hanging off of it. i have to admit that it just reminded me of the draggin’ ball hat from kingdom of loathing.
| flower hat jelly | draggin’ ball hat |
|---|---|
 |  |
|
This striking and rare jelly has brilliant, multicolored tentacles trailing from a translucent, pinstriped bell. It also has tentacles around the rim of its bell that it can quickly coil and uncoil. This mysterious jelly is semi-benthic, sometimes spending its time on the seafloor.
Species Information Conservation Notes: Blooms of the flower hat jellies make swimming in waters off Argentina hazardous. The sting of this jelly is painful, leaving a bright rash. In Brazil, blooms of the flower hat jellies interfere with shrimp fishing; the jellies clog their nets and drive shrimp away, probably to deeper water. | This is a hat with heavy iron balls attached to it. It’s stylish, but really heavy.
Type: hat Enchantment: |