what elephant?

no, i’m not talking about that. i’m not even linking to that.

i can’t even read espn or any other even vaguely sports-related site or article today.

however, during the last good day on tuesday, not only did events occur that made me happy and not nauseous, but i saw something else unexpectedly great: batman begins.

this restart of the batman franchise hits everything on the mark.

it’s sad that michael keaton was the best batman of the last series. not to harp on an old complaint, but how bad does it have to be when mr. mom is your best effort? he didn’t look scary, he didn’t look rich or suave, and he certainly didn’t look like he could kick your ass. he did, however, have excellent very intense eyes, which i guess works well if that’s the only thing that’s not covered by your cowl.

val kilmer was a joke. or maybe it was just tommy lee jones and jim carrey? but who knew that you would wish for the days of jim carrey instead of trying to believe arnold governator as cryogenic SCIENTIST gone bad mr. freeze? and george clooney with rubber nipples? shouldn’t alicia silverstone have had those instead? or at least uma!

the best one is probably batman returns, with michelle pfeiffer and danny devito doing good turns as catwoman and the penguin. although that whole christopher walken as (department store owner?) max shreck plotline was a little odd, it turns out it was originally written to be asst. DA harvey dent instead, who would then be scarred at the end of the film and become two-face in the third movie.

regardless, this new one is the way that batman was meant to be. darker, grittier, and finally a batman that makes you believe that HE COULD KICK YOUR ASS. christian bale’s fang-like toofers also don’t hurt either. i thought it was brilliant to tie in the crux of the movie (bruce’s fight to overcome his fear and become batman) with the scarecrow, and i loved the little inclusion of ra’s al ghul.

michael caine makes for a much better alfred than that other pudgy guy, and garly oldman is oddly likeable and almost perfect as a young (not yet) commissioner gordon!

and of course, the new batmobile. dark knight-inspired and just fucking awesome. really. i read in the latest american cinematographer that all those scenes are real: they used real cars, real car chases, and real car crashes. god bless ‘em.

if you can, see the special imax version. it’s the same aspect ratio as the 35mm but the resolution is digitally enhanced and it’s HUGE and takes up your entire field of vision. it’s gorgeous. how do they do that from a 35mm print? well, according to the tech museum:

for all those keeping score at home, hmc was right. i was not right. hmc is smart.

are you still here?

go. see. it. already.

what, you won’t leave me alone until we talk about the elephant? ok, fine.