class instructions

i’m in training this week. yes, again. once more, i only drink coffee when i’m forced to do things that put me to sleep. like go to meetings. or attend training. or watch steven spielberg movies.

here’s my recipe for class coffee:

ingredients:

• coffee, hot.
  
• milk. preferably whole, but half & half is ok. not soy, unless it’s chocolate.
  
• all the sugar in brazil.

directions:

1. pour cup of coffee.
   
2. add milk until coffee turns weak and pale. it should be the same color you’d see as if you were smelling halle berry’s stomach.
   
3. add sugar. stir. keep adding sugar. stir until it gets difficult. what you’re looking for is a thick, syrupy consistancy. if the stirrer can stand up on its own, this is a sign that you’ve added almost enough.
   
4. drink.
   
5. spend the next few hours wide awake, jittery, twitchy, and irritated that the class is going so slow and everyone else is really dumb.
   
6. realize that only one minute has gone by.
   
7. repeat steps 5-6 for the next 420 minutes.

Posted at March 29, 2005 6:38 PM