fuck shit up in 2005

i don’t know if this is a early trend or unsettling omen, but 2005 seems to have started very combatative for me.

not in any live confrontation, but more in tone and in thought. i’ve already gotten into a couple of email scuffles around the new year, one not really serious at all, but another one potentially quite vicious. granted, it’s about something as trivial as fantasy football, but more it’s about tired being of hassled and people complaining about shit as trivial as, uh, fantasy football.

it’s a little worrying, though, as i feel that i’m just more ready to engage than normal. you want to get into it? bring it on. watch out, bacon! here comes sizzlean!

i don’t know if it’s a return to my earlier years where i used to be a lot more angry and agressive, but i hope not as that’s not really who i want to be anymore. a lot of that anger was rooted in possible unhappiness, so if i’m angry again, does that mean i’m unhappy again? great.

or maybe it is the new year. last year was so full of hope, the possibility of doing good, regime change and getting the crooks out of office, and it all went to shit. they won, they played their tricks and came out ahead again. and the rest of the country really wanted that anyway. so if that’s the case, why be a sucker? take no prisoners, do it for yourself, and screw everyone else. isn’t that what we’ve learned?

ah, alas, the buddhists say that this is the most important time to hold the teachings in mind!

Student: What should we do if people take advantage of our kindheartedness and use it against us? Most people feel that they can only give so much, but they also need to receive. We feel we can’t give and give and give to people who just take and take and take.

Chogyam Trungpa: Give your goodness back to them. Let them glow. You have that much power. You can do it. You don’t need to rely on anybody else’s goodness. You have a resource already, which is your own goodness. You are already good, and you can actually transmit that goodness to others. In Buddhism, we call it tathagatagarbha, or buddha nature. (thanks, cheryl!)

but still: grrrrr!

Posted at January 1, 2005 7:11 PM