i hear you ed. on the rs-side anyway. i feel a little lost in the mix, but i like what shanti had to say about it. paraphrasing: any spiritual practice will have lulls and the point is to stick with something because the reward of the high (which in this case, I’m presuming, is that sense of community/one-ness/connection to something greater) is much stronger.

Any kind of relationship has an ebb and flow. Sometimes it’s just over, sometimes you just stick it out.

I’m not telling you to do either. Just whatever feels right - Anyway, I propose the next round of those RS conversations be a bitch-fest. Where we all air what has been pissing us off lately. And then the third could be a solutions brainstorm.

The struggle and beauty of community is the fact that it’s not always about what *you* want. And that’s hard for me to deal with most days, but I still consider the whole thing an interesting experiment.

community is what you put into it. any spiritual practice has lulls.

those things are true.

is the group your speaking of a) a community you want to invest in? b) a spiritual practice?

if so; dig in. if not; i’ll see you at the movies.

and stop that namby-pamby moving to LA talk.

about the kids/suburbs/friends’ goals changing stuff: i’ve also been thinking about this a lot. but coming from a slightly different place…i always thought i’d get married young, have kids young and that i’d find my reason to be somewhere in there, in addition to all of the other groovy things i’d do. but the real meaning would be found in my family. i know it sounds heretical in this day and age, but i am really old-fashioned when you dig deep into it. i mourn the demise of my latest long-term relationship more than any of the others because, misguided or not, i believe that my last chance to get married, have a family just evaporated. of course, i’m probably wrong wrong wrong about that, but i’m 36 and i’m getting arthritic already. this self-pity is hardly the point though (sorry). the point is that so many of my dearest, bestest friends are having kids right and left. and i, too, have some confusion, distance, sadness in the midst of my elation for their family-ness. conversations are clipped and tucked in between naps. the topics are topical. they live in the suburbs and perhaps live vicariously through my tales of dating woes and rock n roll adventures, and then they hang up the phone and tell their partner (i imagine) that they’re so happy not to be out there anymore. so i slowly lose my friends in this miasma of parenthood and i am trying to get to know them again. which isn’t too too hard, since i think all the kids are stupendous. but it is a little hard and discombobulating. fwiw.

i dunno. maybe it’s the community. maybe i’ve been hanging out with rlv, xz, and the rest of the ex-pats too much.

i do know that i feel that yoga seems to be more of a spiritual practice for me as of late; much more than the rs. then again, maybe i’d feel different if i ever made it to a satsang or meditation or a choir performance.

Hmmm. That’s a noodle scratcher. I could ask questions about what you are looking for in a community, in your spiritual life, or in your life in general. I could ask why L.A. is still on the table. I could ask when you and HMC are going to start trying to make little sassyass geniuses. Or I can suggest you take out the laser pointer and get Mika running up the walls.

on second thought, i think this is all just the existential crap that comes up for people in Autumn.

oh, woe is me … everything is dying around me … what am i doing here .. who am i … do i have enough nuts stored away for winter??

when spring comes and all the pretty girls are in short shorts again and the nba finals are happening, life will all make sense once again. trust me.

mmmmm. short shorts. nba finals. nuts. uhuhuhuuuhuh…

wow, this post is just so scarily close to my life that i hesitated to comment. but, here I go anyway…

clearly, i am the posterchild for ‘this is a lot harder than i thought it would be’ in respect to my new parental status.

but, that said, I am here from the other side to tell you that IT’S TRUE!

things do change, goals do shift….because someone else’s needs have become THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IN YOUR LIFE . And, yes, it is f&^%king depressing!

as with any change, there are things gained and things lost. the things gained are obvious. i’m not going to spout on and on about how cool Ronan is and how much I love the little guy…

this post is about the things lost! like freedom, autonomy, spending your money on yourself, and of course, the ability to become a bi-lingual cello playing polar bear tamer if you so choose…

these losses are mourned for a brief moment…and then you get over it because the baby is screaming and you just don’t have time to dwell on it…what was that thing i wanted to do again?…

and let’s face it- there is a reason people move to the burbs or accross the f&$%ing country to raise kids. it’s not because they want to…. it’s because it’s amazingly hard here financially. things are cheaper out there….so, you move and you consider doing whatever you can to provide a stable and safe home and environment for your spawn….this is probably all biology…

so anyway…you feel separate and separated from your old life and your cool friends in a way you could not have imagined before…and you count your lucky stars that you have a friend like Ed who crosses the bridge to come visit you and your screaming baby.

i love you, ed.

and on a final note, did I mention people should really really thinking about having kids before they do it…and then once you think you want to, come talk to me first!